The Day I Stopped Forgiving “From Above”
There came a moment when I realized I needed to look inside—really look—at my emotional world.
I had been carrying resentment in my heart for years.
I tried everything: I went from church to church, attended workshops, explored different healing methods.
Each one helped… but only for a while.
Soon, the resentment would come back, along with the heavy feeling that life had been unfair to me. Living felt like walking with a backpack full of stones.
Then I found Family Constellations therapy. And something shifted.
I discovered an uncomfortable truth about forgiveness:
Sometimes, it hides a sense of superiority.
When we see ourselves as victims, we automatically cast the other as the wrongdoer.
And when I thought, “I have the power to forgive,” I realized I was placing myself above them—as a judge… even as God. That’s far too heavy a role for any human to carry.
True forgiveness, I learned, doesn’t come from “forgiving from above.”
It comes from surrender.
Surrendering to the truth that what happened, happened.
That as much as it hurts, the past cannot be changed.
And that when we can finally say yes to what was—without trying to rewrite it—something inside of us softens and makes peace.
Acceptance does not mean excusing. It means saying:
“That’s how it was, even if it was hard… that’s how it was.”
From that place, I can give back what is not mine, keep only what belongs to me, and move forward with a lighter heart.
A Gentle Release Exercise
Find a quiet space. Close your eyes and take three slow, deep breaths.
Bring to mind the situation that hurt you deeply, and the person connected to it.
Allow the emotions, thoughts, and sensations to arise.
Place your hands on the part of your body where you feel that weight.
Imagine returning that weight to the person it belongs to, saying:
“I give back to you what you did, because I did not do it and I cannot resolve it. I give back what is yours. That’s how it was, and I take it as such. I release you, and I release myself. I will only carry what is mine.”
Stay with the feeling of lightness and relief.
Taking responsibility for your part means caring for yourself, being gentle when the memory resurfaces, and choosing to live in ways that nourish you.
If you feel ready, I can guide you through a deeper process to release what is not yours and make peace with your story through a Family Constellations session.
📞 Schedule your FREE 15-minute call: 415 577 8978
📧 nalmontemendoza@gmail.com
